Jesus Didn’t Want to Go Through With It
What the garden of Gethsemane reveals about fear, honesty, and the courage to continue
Welcome to today’s reflection.
Each weekday, paid subscribers receive an exclusive reflection designed to offer a thoughtful pause in the middle of ordinary life. My hope is that these brief pieces create a little space for curiosity, contemplation and wonder amid the noise of the day.
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Years ago, we had to make a decision we desperately did not want to make.
Our first family dog had become increasingly unwell. It happened gradually enough that hope always seemed possible for one more day. There was always a reason to wait. Perhaps things would improve. Perhaps we were worrying unnecessarily. Perhaps tomorrow he would be better.
We delayed longer than we probably should have, not out of neglect, but because we loved him.
What we were slowly coming to realise was that our first ever family dog was dying.
There is a particular kind of resistance that comes in moments like that. You look for alternatives and begin to bargain with reality. You hope that somehow the situation will change, even when deep down you already know where the road is leading.
Eventually, we reached a point where the decision could no longer be avoided.
It was not what we wanted.
It was simply what was needed.
From that moment on, the question was no longer whether we would do it, but how we would do it well. We took him to the vet and, as best we could, tried to make those final moments calm, peaceful, and dignified.
There was no sense of relief in it. Just a difficult and hard-won acceptance.
— • —
I often think about that experience when I read the story of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane.
The situations are, of course, entirely different, yet they share a similar shape. Both involve a painful reality that could not be avoided. Both involve a moment of hesitation before acceptance and reveal something about what it means to choose a difficult path when every instinct wishes there were another way.
When many of us picture Jesus approaching the cross, we imagine determination.
Calm. Composed. Fully resolved.
We imagine someone moving steadily towards his destiny without hesitation or uncertainty.
